What’s out there?

I wish I had known what would have happened the instant I had to enjoy some time alone that weekend. But I did not. The coldness stung. It is chilling suddenly and I can’t handle it. My head started to throb. I have to take some med and bury myself in the sheets. Feels forever in this.

I woke up sweating and it’s so hot. I feel light-headed and a bit dizzy. But for some hours, I was quiet okay.

Next day, here it goes again. The cold. The chill. The burning feeling in my body. And my head pounding. I can’t even eat because of the impending feeling of wanting to throw up. I cried. Worsened the situation and I’m alone in my room. I was thinking that I might get pass this quick. In reality I just don’t want to burden anyone.

And so the pain tortured me.

Third day is different. It stung me so hard and I cannot hold it any longer. I was rushed to the hospital and I got help. But the feeling of loneliness never left. I am grateful of the help and support but my mind is still at war.

The doctor said I have an infection. That is why I’m having a fever. I was advised to buy some meds and go home but no one is with me and I feel dizzy.

I was able to get home the next day and be cared by my lover. A friend tended to me for a few hours, too. They went to live their life, afterwards.

I had another fever. I don’t remember the count of how many times I had one, now. And I’m alone again.

The next days were better without the fever but replaced by the stomach ache that feels like something is slashing my stomach. The vertigo stayed. And I feel light-headed and get a head ache from time to time.

My lover always messages me to check on my status or call me. I told my mother and my older sister what happened to me.

And there, the frustrations again. The financial problem in my family and I am caught up in this. Last month’s first week, I was also sick. And then first week this month, the same thing happened but this is worse.

I would have to quit my current job and find another. Learn from this and take care of myself better. More than what I am trying to do before this hit me. Maybe, I was trying but it’s not enough. This hurts.

What’s out there for me now?

I feel so lost.